Baelon's Bodacious Blog! Part 13!

So apparently, I snap out of my funk to see Juni and Elora dancing like foreign people. I’d join them, but I have no rhythm. In search of a component to keep a demon on ice, we visit Mirri, who winds up giving us a vertabrae. Juni asks for some time alone with Mirri, for gods-knows-what. Meanwhile, I recognize that it’s been forever since I’ve gotten laid. Damn. Oh well, I’ve got to help my buddies kill some sort of demon lord to keep all of our souls, so I’ll have to wait a little while longer. We get some rest.

We teleport back to the Sea Wyvern, back to the Lake of Tears. I think it was Tears. Was it Beers? No, it was Dreams! That’s it! But, we set sail from there and we find ourselves in Pazunia, and I wonder if that was an accident. I think I see been chucking some bread overboard, and then starts yelling about how ungrateful the water is. Or something like that.

Then we come to a place with purple clouds, and another turns into a pot. It looks like we’ve come to Androlen, which seems to be a place of evil AND hope. Sounds confusing. Even worse, a dragon swoops in on us, and I think it’s silver. It flies right over us, and sucks in. I dive for cover as it shrinks down, somersaults, and lands on the deck of this ship.

I look pretty stupid there, diving for cover. But, as it turns out, it wants to help us kill demons, so how could we pass that up? It takes us to a harbor town, where we meet General Applestance, whom I think is a small, flying elephant. He tells us that he’ll get us to where we need to go, and taps us all with his trunk- except, when it comes to Ben, it smacks him from some reason. We get to Ferenol. As it turns out, he’s been planning a coup for a long time. If only he had a small assassination force to help him out. Cue us! A lot of the details of this shindig are beyond me, but I think the gist is that we’re going to ambush a demonic army, which is kind of a diversion.

We were made for this stuff.

There is a problem though: There are children here. Winged children. But it turns out that the one that pops up actually likes me, and asks for one of my loose scales. Before I can wiggle it loose, Juni rips it out! It makes me cry, though, and I pinch her boob. “Did you like that?” I yell at her. She smacks me, and we’re even. She gives one of the kids the bronze head of Cold Captain Wyther. Juni is officially demented.

One of the balls of light comes up to us, and offer to take us to the training grounds, and teleports us there. There’s a lot of different kinds of everything here. I get in some training, then get some sleep.

After a good night’s sleep, we get together and get ready for a big, giant battle.

We meet a small-ish Lion, whose name I have a hard time pronouncing. He’s supposed to drill us into becoming a unit, and asks us if we can be stealthy. I rip a bush out of the ground and hide behind it- I think. I dont’ think he’s impressed, so I rip a tree out of the ground, hiding behind it- exposing the guys behind it.

“Who’s the better hider now?” I ask.

The lion guy- still not impressed- tells us that our little lantern archon likes to be named, so we name him Onomatopoeia. Weird. Soon after though, we get down to business. Surprisingly enough, when it comes down to it, I was able to hide pretty well!

When we get to the river Styx, we have a hard time deciding how to get across. After a few minutes of haggling, we decide to hop in our bags of holding- only, nobody has one save for Elora. We do get across, but we’re found out! Casidhe warns us that there are demons incoming, and we’re ready for them. We buff and position, and we’re ready to go.

The demons pop into existence, and Juni leaps into battle. Ben makes the one I’m gonna attack dance, and a bolt of pure light lances right next to me, and I notice there is one less demon, and then another when Juni’s done. Another falls when Kira begins his own death spiral, moving between the sprays of blood and gore as he leaps over to his next victim. Casidhe takes a few steps forward, trapping them within her aura so that they cannot move. I slice into one of the centaur demons, and get rewarded with its death. Juni whirls into action again, slicing and dicing her way through another guy. Elora lets fly an Orb of Force, almost obliterating the last demon- but not quite. Ben lets loose an Orb of his own, finishing the battle.

Looking back on it, we destroyed an assault force in less than ten seconds. Ten seconds! That’s pretty awesome, even for us. I hope we impressed lion guy. After a small break, we press on.

After a small scare involving a demonic elk, we move on, until we feel slight tremors in the ground. The lion guy pops up and gives us bad news: The army is in danger; we either help the army, or ambush the demonic general. At the risk of our mission, we decide to help the army.

Soon after, we come across the Huge beasts that are decimating the army. They look like giant minotaurs, and Juni begins sneaking. She creeps up on one as we buff ourselves, but the joke is on us: The thing sees her, and slams into her. She returns the favor, slicing into the creature,and one of her daggers gets stuck. I surge ahead, but the creature smacks me on the way in, knocking me off my strategy. I don’t get my attack in, and the creature attacks Juni again, even as the other giant minotaur attacks its buddy. Juni’s blade tries to kill me, but I knock her arm aside. From behind us, more magic gets flung towards the giant guys. One of them falls over dead. The other one seems a little tired, but is able to fling a boulder that clears Kira’s head. Juni steps forward, her blades slicing through the other giant minotaur. Kira charges around the boulder pile, also stabbing into the creature.

Surprisingly, the giant Minotaur, stomps on the ground, causing a huge landslide that I barely miss getting buried under! Ben is not so lucky, though. I may have to dig him out. Elora comes barreling out of the fog in a panic. “It’s not dead!” she yells, and I run up and put myself between her and the thing. Juni yells some less than encouraging words, and Elora fires off an Orb of Force at my head! I curse and hit the ground. I pick myself and cast an Orb of Force, attempting to make up for Elora’s shortcoming- or I would have, if it wouldn’t have just rolled out of the palm of my hand and hit the ground. F’n magic! Another blast of twinned spiraling magic flies into the mist. The thing still continues forward.

A sword swooshes out of the mist, chipping into my scales. It hurts, but I’ve had much worse than this. Juni comes zooming past me and into the misty forest, and Kira surges ahead as well. It doesn’t seem like we’re doing a lot of damage, but we’ll keep plugging away. I take a half-step towards the…thing, and let loose with a magic empowered slash of my scimitar, which actually misses! I think I might be worried.

I think Casidhe withers him somehow, and I sense that the creature’s attention wanes, and I strike! I chop to the best of my ability, but his armor is too much. His sword bites deeply into my scales again, drawing blood this time. Both Kira and Elora seem to be just as useless, but Kira does strike hard before the monstrosity disappears. Damn it. On the other hand, I stood a good chance of being smeared all over the forest. As for the army, it seems like we’re losing, but they’re able to make a strategic retreat, with the demons taking on heavy losses. We live to fight another day. The lantern archon says the lion guy says that we were indeed victorious, and to make it back across the river. Kira says it feels like a hollow victory, but a win is a win. We may not have beaten the general, but we all managed to survive. So far.

Ben teleports us into town, and the troops seem to be in good spirits. The lion guy meets with us, and tells us we were instrumental in the defeat of the general, who took a Disintegration Ray to the face. The little lantern archon heals us up a bit. An hour later, we discover that the Deathdrinker body will suffice to keep our bargain for our souls.

Farenol also wanted to talk to us. He says that the demons are in full discussions to decide who will be their next leader. He wants to know what the plan is, but we’re not through making plans quite yet. I’m all for getting laid, and Farenol lets me know that there is much companionship to be had. We do have to spend the night to recharge spells, so it’s party time! A horseheaded angel person hops into the sack with me, and we spend a very active night together.

Oh well, save a cowboy, ride a horse, right?

The next morning, Ben says to me, “Why the long face?” which deserves a fist-bump. Juni goes on about disemboweling Meravanchi if he’s not being faithful to her in the relationship they don’t actually have. Weird.

But, after a nice bit of food and some farewells, we’re teleporting to the Black Wells (or the Dark Wells? I can’t really remember), and land right outside the Keep. We walk right into the Keep like we own the place. Ben puts his hand on the knob, and nearly gets sucked in, but Juni and I try and pull him out. In the end, Ahazu accepts our offering, and we get to keep our souls. Bonus!

Baelon's Bodacious Blog! Part 13!

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